apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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