it was like his penis was on wheels.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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