also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
