I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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