So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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