i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
