shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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