You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
