I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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