Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
