God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
