Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
