2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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