I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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