I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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