lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
