im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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