Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
