And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.