I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?