I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
