Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

  (415): View more from California

  What...you let him do that?

  (650): View more from California

  It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

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  (650): so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow. (415): What...you let him do that? (650): It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow http://tfl.nu/aum0
  Replies (72) Good night (5605) Bad night (845)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  at least i was looking out for everybody

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  (403): You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone. (1-403): at least i was looking out for everybody http://tfl.nu/ilsz
  Replies (8) Good night (4702) Bad night (751)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

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  (615): Why do guys in porn never have boxers on? (941): better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn http://tfl.nu/0wxg
  Replies (28) Good night (6994) Bad night (1260)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

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  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (6214) Bad night (1095)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

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  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3555) Bad night (1160)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just the budget?

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  (515): I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget... (316): Just the budget? http://tfl.nu/v45e
  Replies (4) Good night (4628) Bad night (1131)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

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  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (5238) Bad night (1379)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...

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  (803): Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone... http://tfl.nu/bgtw
  Replies (2) Good night (1637) Bad night (746)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?

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  (401): he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid? http://tfl.nu/msiw
  Replies (8) Good night (2174) Bad night (767)
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  (925): View more from California

  We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts

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  (925): We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts http://tfl.nu/eq30
  Replies (7) Good night (1797) Bad night (561)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.

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  (904): She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes. http://tfl.nu/nuhm
  Replies (2) Good night (941) Bad night (590)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.

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  (410): Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes. http://tfl.nu/1wpu
  Replies (12) Good night (1228) Bad night (576)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism

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  (469): One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism http://tfl.nu/54iy
  Replies (5) Good night (500) Bad night (932)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.

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  (585): He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota. http://tfl.nu/2rl1
  Replies (4) Good night (961) Bad night (466)
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  (619): View more from California

  When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter

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  (619): When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter http://tfl.nu/6xai
  Replies (5) Good night (391) Bad night (174)

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