hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.