hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?