And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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