This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
