Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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