Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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