I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
