That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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