Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
