My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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