p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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