just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
