You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
