shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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