and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
