I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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