We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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