Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
