Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
