this just has baby written all over it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
