The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
