i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
