Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
nutella sex= disaster
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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