Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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