he wants to bone in the snuggie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
