9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's the barista slut.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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