**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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