You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
