Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
