Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
