You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
