Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
