If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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