As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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