RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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