theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
