My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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