There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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