I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
