My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
