I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
