booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
