apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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