there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
