there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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