Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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