Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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