Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
