ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
