am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
