I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
