Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
