I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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