My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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