I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
