Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
