ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sarcasm needs its own font
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
