Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
