I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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