everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
