Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
