You're my little dorito
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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