I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize