Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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