I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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