I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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