i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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