did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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