It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
