If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
