You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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