Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
