turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
