I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
